In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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