i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
