she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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