HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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