i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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