i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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