how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
