sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
