Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
