Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
