Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh god it's open bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
