She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
