so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
