I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
