1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
