you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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