do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
