no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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