someone threw a dead crab at me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
