So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize