What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
