as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
