Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
