Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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