I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
