whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize