Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
