3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
