She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
