We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
