I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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