I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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