one two three fourrrrnication!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
