Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
