He kissed a someone with a penis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
