two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
