before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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