and you said cock pushups were impossible
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
