He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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