I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
