I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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