my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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