You can't motorboat a personality
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
