I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
