I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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