Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
