I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
