did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
