that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
