Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
God gave him joint rollers for hands
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This baby is an asshole
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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