New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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