Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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