Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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