I wish I could teleport
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
