WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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