bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
