I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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