She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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