Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
