I need help removing her.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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