She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
