I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
