then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
