i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize