You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
