You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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