Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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