The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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