its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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