Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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